So… Where the Heck Have I Been?

Where have I been? Literally no one has asked me that in these past 13 months that I’ve been (somewhat) offline. Obviously, this is because you already knew the answer. Like everyone else in the world, I’ve been dealing with the problems created by Covid-19, which has taken time and energy away from the projects I love.

But all was not lost. While I couldn’t turn out weekly comics, I had time to upgrade the website (ta-da) and to reflect on my creative process.

I’m not quite back to the a-comic-a-week schedule yet, but I couldn’t let today go by without posting something. Today, June 6, is the tenth anniversary of Draconis Wicked, so the least I could do was post the cover for Chapter 12. Real comic updates should be back to a consistent schedule in the next few weeks.

By the way, I want you, (yes, you) to know that all of you responded my unexpected departure absolutely perfectly. I received just enough inquiries that I knew you cared whether I was dead or alive, but not enough to guilt or pressure me over my absence. Thanks for that.

Okay, now that I’ve cleared that up, I can move on to the more interesting part. I mentioned that I had time to reflect on my creative process during my comic exile. What, exactly, have I learned from all of this?

(Side Note: I hope it goes without saying that the greatest cost has been the loss of life, so forgive me for focusing on the more mundane aspects of Covid’s effects on work and projects. Just because it’s not the focus of my writing today does not mean I don’t respect or value life above all things. If Covid has taken anyone from you, I am deeply sorry for your loss.)

What Have I Learned?

A crisis shakes up a lot of the things we hold dear. It sometimes feels like a great storm that sweeps the landscape and wipes away anything it can drag off.

I never thought Draconis Wicked would be something fragile enough that could it get swept away by a disaster. But when things got too hard, I just could not force myself keep working. Honestly, this baffled me because I loved Draconis. I loved the characters and the story. I loved drawing and writing. But when the stress and strain dragged me to a stop, I was finally forced to examine my shortcomings. And, over time, I slowly came to realize a truth that I had been denying for a long time: I hated my process.

There was something wrong with the way I had been writing and drawing. Something that was making my comic undertakings more laborious than they should have been. Something was dousing the creative fire.

Creative Fire

Staring a passion project is like building a campfire. You gather your fuel, light it up, and try to keep it burning for as long as you need it. Your fire needs two types of wood for fuel: logs and kindling.

Your logs are the hard work you put in to develop your project. They are the classes you take to hone your skill, the nights you stay up and work when you’d rather rest, the painful criticism you need to absorb so you can imporve, and all the times you push yourself past your old limits.

Your kindling is the fun parts. It’s breezing through the easy stuff, the satisfaction of watching your project come together, and getting praise from your audience.

Most of us have been warned about making a fire from kindling. If you use only kindling and no heavy logs…

…your fire will burn hot for a short time…

…but then, it will quickly exhaust itself and burn out.

Like many of us, I took this advice to heart. I tried to cut back on the self-indulgent parts of my project and, instead, I dove deeper into the painful stuff. Each year, I cut back on more and more kindling.

But this caused another problem, one that artists are not warned about quite as often.

When we build our fires from only good, sturdy logs…

…the logs don’t always get warm enough to catch all the way…

…and their weight and density smothers their own flames before they burn enough.

And that was my problem. I was too focused on the difficult aspects and denying myself much of the enjoyment. And when my passion grew weaker and the winds of adversity were able to blow out my flame.

But only for a while.

Going forward, I need to focus on balance. I will remember to place both my heavy logs and light kindling as best as I can…

…and keep the flame burning bright.

How is your fire burning today?